How I Became an Anti-Feminist (My Red Pill Story)

For some like Candace Owens, there was a specific moment when they realized what they believed and sided with were the total opposite of what they actually believed.


For me, it wasn’t a single moment. I don’t know when I first believed that nothing is as it seems but that worldview entirely affects my view on everything.


My Red Pill Story is really a Red Pill Journey that I still trek. Like an onion, layer after layer peel away as I continue to shed lies and deception.


This is the essence of the “red pill.”


It’s a reference to The Matrix.


“You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”


As a Christian who has long been aware of spiritual warfare, I should have been more critical of popular culture. Christians know that satan, the true enemy, is a master of lies and a great deceiver. God uses for good what the enemy uses for evil but the enemy twists what is good to be used for evil.  We know that satan subtlety distorts God’s Word. It happened in the Fall, throughout the bible and it happens today. Most Christians agree with this in theory. But when faced with ideas that feel right and feel good and feel Christian, it’s hard to identify and stand against the deception.


Of course the war was won on the cross by Jesus but the battle rages on while we live on earth. Honestly my natural inclination is to have a defeatist attitude, which results in me at times wishing I had gone the “safer” blue pill direction that stays within the norms of society and within the slightly smaller norms of church culture. But alas, more than my selfish desire for comfort, I desire to honor God, take up my cross and be courageous.


Fortunately for me what I face is not being stoned to death like the early believers and modern believers in different parts of the world. Rather I face nasty comments on youtube (apparently I'm the reason Christianity should be eradicated?), dislikes and likely unfriending on facebook. It’s honestly surprising to me because at the roots of what I believe is scripture, common sense and genuine concern for actually bettering people’s lives instead of giving people feel good, but bad, advice.


How did the Red Pilling begin?


Looking back I see how God protected me with a unique background of biblical teaching and even public teachers that encouraged truth seeking and critical thinking.


  • As I mentioned earlier, for as long as I can remember I recognized the devil not as a fictitious or inactive force of destruction, but as a lion prowling around. My friend, Kim Meyer, founder of Relentless Women Warriors, has spoken with many long-time Christian women who viewed her instruction on spiritual warfare as new to them despite years in the church.  


Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8


  • For a long time I felt almost haunted by the question of “if I faced physical persecution, would I stand up for Christ?” This caused me to pray more times that I can count that I would have courage when it matters.


Above all, be strong and very courageous. Be careful to observe all the law My servant Moses commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may prosper wherever you go.

Joshua 1: 7


  • In early elementary school I had a teacher who was a Holocaust survivor. This made the history more real for me and from her teaching and future teaching I saw how desperation, a lack of critical thinking and apathy toward evil produce travesties like the holocaust.


  • I was taught that the purpose of schools was to encourage students to think critically so they could identify propaganda and dispel it and step out of groupthink in order to prevent Orwellian dystopias like the one pictured in “1984.” We read and analyzed that book in school and it has always influenced my worldview.


  • I learned about the Milgram experiment that was about unquestioned obedience to authority figures. In the experiment participants believed they were giving increasingly intense electric shocks to others for the purpose of a different study but despite their increased hesitation, a frighteningly low amount of participants refused to continue. My response was many prayers that I would have the wisdom to identify situations like that and the courage to stand against that instinct to back down.


  • In more recent years, my husband introduced me to evidence of governmental deception. Sometimes when I was held captive on a long road trip and other times in moments of my own curiosity. One of the more memorable examples is the unclassified  Operation Northwoods. Anyone can literally see the unclassified documents where the military proposed a false flag operation where the military itself performed terrorist attacks against American civilians and/or military targets to blame the Cuban government and justify military involvement in Cuba. the Kennedy administration rejected these proposals. There were other ways that JFK ruffled feathers. And then he gets assassinated with a magic-bullet that defied physics and people are supposed to just trust the government that for a fact is okay with total fabrications. (Btw, go visit the Texas School Book Depository and learn about this creative story.) Maybe they should make an official statement that Santa Claus actually IS real too.


Now many of you may think I’m out of my mind or perhaps you are excited to have found a like-soul. If you think I’m too far out there, my encouragement to you is to dig into some of these things, beyond the wikipedia links I provided. Either way, I think most of us have had the experience of hearing one thing and then upon a little investigation, we find out it was false news or at best misleading.   


I gave you the background of what opened my mind to believe that what I’m told isn’t necessarily true and good. Now what I really want to get to is how feminism slipped under my radar and how I became alerted to toxic feminism.


How did I become red pilled in relation to feminism?


Having grown up in the church, I was familiar with passages about submission and grace, which insulated me from the more extreme breeds of feminism. Outside of that, I mostly ignored those passages. I never felt particularly connected to women’s ministries and the whole topic of biblical views on gender roles left me confused.


Especially when it came to the career woman ideal, I fell for the lie. My family is very academic and I took my good grades to mean that clearly I shouldn’t “waste my brain” as a mom. Obviously the most important contribution to society is to trade time for money working as an employee for someone else, right?


In fact when I met my future husband the plan was for him to stay home and I would be the breadwinner because we knew my career path would produce more money. He was insistent that one of us stay home and until very recently, I thought that decision was more about personal preferences and not about objectively believing that it is best for a child to be with his/her biological or adopted parents full-time.


When our first little one made a home inside me, my heart increasingly became troubled about going back to work. I felt totally trapped because it seemed so unwise and illogical for me to stay home. My solution was to make money with an online business (at that time I was involved in a fitness MLM.) That basically ended up just paying for fitness products and furthering me along a fitness journey but God in His wisdom and sovereignty made the choice for us when I was laid off a month before my first daughter was born.


This experience softened my heart to motherhood but God had (and still has!) much work to do. I felt led to pivot my business to Business and Mindset Coaching for Christian women entrepreneurs. I still felt an intense pressure to create a big enough business to take back the role of breadwinner while also playing the role of primary caretaker of the home and children. This kind of “I can do everything!” independent thinking that leaves women overwhelmed and their husbands frustrated with their reluctance to accept their husband’s contribution.


The business blessed me with a wonderful community of women that God used me to gather in The Courageous Christ Follower Community. He still uses me to occasionally coach women in their businesses. But God continued to refine me to release that ever-present pressure to provide financially in the family. A woman’s role in managing and even making money is a Proverbs 31 biblical desire, but what God showed me is that the pressure I felt was still about feminist influence to prove my worth by making money. God revealed that my priority should be to reject that pressure, find my identity in HIM and flourish in my role as a wife and a mom.


I honestly wasn’t sure what direction to go with the online presence I built until recently when God revealed these 3 objectives.


  • Encourage women to identify cultural feminist influence and filter it through the Belt of Truth, being God’s Word, the Holy Spirit, facts and logic

  • Share biblical support for wives and moms and empower those who feel led to be or are wives and moms

  • Encourage understanding and unity in the church and between genders without sacrificing truth and virtue


This is why I am sharing my red pill story, particularly in relation to feminism.


It wasn’t until recently that I myself was able to identify how feminism affected me.  It is largely in thanks to my husband that the deceptions of feminism are being torn down. I am grateful to him for his tactful and patient work of exposing feminists lies to me at a pace that minimized emotional outbursts.


Yes, there have been moments where I lashed out and started to question his intentions and views of women. Men, please remember to extend grace and forgive women just as women should do the same for you over your shortcomings (we are ALL fallen people). Most importantly we are to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us.


Basically the tool my husband used were YouTube videos and asking me questions. He didn’t just share about feminism but all kinds of topics. It’s easier and less emotional to breakdown beliefs that don’t hit a sensitive chord like being a female and breaking down feminism. (Even though I never identified as a feminist, I did get defensive about anti-feminist ideas.)


Sometimes I even agreed with the conclusion before I watched the video. However through understanding a topic on a deeper level I was able to identify logical fallacies and when the rationale for a belief was about feelings, not facts. I saw how many of these rationales are largely accepted by society.


For instance, I watched a PragerU video about the difference between equal opportunity vs. equal outcome. When I had words for the practice of looking at a lack of females in an industry and getting mad about it, it strengthened my opinions. Additionally there were stats that I questioned but kind of believed, like the ridiculous pay gap. All I needed was to learn that the calculation was total full-time money earned divided by total hours worked for men vs. women. Without much prompting I could come up with dozens of potential reasons for that besides sexism.


Additionally, when I asked him what his beef was with feminism, he showed me videos that evidenced radical feminism. I learned that there were literally groups recommending at best an ideology that only theoretically supports killing all men. I saw angry purple haired feminists proudly displaying emotional outbursts.


I witnessed clips of a political lesbian who in the name of female freedom denied her natural sexual inclinations. I can understand people who aren’t Christian who feel good about following whatever fleshly desires they have. But to feel so much guilt about staying true to your political beliefs and harvesting so much hate towards 50% of the world that you change your sexuality? Feminism has literally turned into a religion for people and they are praying to a feminist god. Actually the clip literally did show this self-proclaimed witch praying to a picture of one of the feminist leaders.


Additionally watching videos of women glorifying the murder of babies, not even pretending that it is about a desperate low income mom but rather a right of passage to being an empowered woman, made me turn anti-feminist real fast. (I always had an adamant pro-life stance but I saw how very radical and far left feminist are and that pushed me even further away.)


What flipped the switch to the point I realized I need to speak out against it was the total outrage of the church to Lori Alexander’s post “Men Prefer Debt free Virgins Without Tattoos.” While I still maintain she should have approached this topic with more sensitivity and explanation if she wanted more people to hear her out,  I was deeply appalled and disturbed that someone who promotes living out Titus 2:35 would pretty much be shut out of acceptable Christian speech. It was cultural Christian “hate speech” because it made people feel uncomfortable. I literally cried as I saw the dramatized response videos and hateful comments, left by Christians concerned that she was being unloving. I wrote my own response blog post and video that critiqued her approach but also the response of the Church while supporting most of the points she made.


“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

Titus 2:3-5


Her viral post showed me the need for the Christian church to reject the hypersensitive postmodern belief that whatever feels right is right and that ideas are wildly dangerous. We should be able to have civil discourse and use scripture to support or breakdown eachother’s interpretations of the bible. If someone is that off of scripture, a scriptural debate will quickly reveal the truth and each individual Christian can pray over and study topics for themselves. It is wrong to attack someone who did not promote hate or violence against anyone but rather sought to speak biblical truth and encourage young women to live in alignment with the scriptures. Uncomfortable ideas “triggered” Christians, who are deceived by feminism, to lash out and even promote ideas that are clearly unbiblical.


For example the blog To Love Honor and Vacuum asserts that it is merely a good idea to stay a virgin until marriage but that “ultimately virginity means nothing. It’s just a pile of horse manure.” Her rationale is Philippians 3:4 where Paul expresses that his righteousness through obeying the law was a pile of dung compared to knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. While that is true that human works and rule following does not compare to the salvation bestowed to us through the blood of Jesus Christ, it is an extremely dangerous and unbiblical conclusion to argue that when God instructs His people to live a certain way, it doesn’t really matter.


Yes, salvation is the ultimate but our sins still have real consequences and we are called to take up our cross and follow Jesus, not deny the authority of His teachings because of grace. It’s the classic you are saved by faith but faith produces works dynamic. Living righteously is how we put on our breastplate of righteousness that protects our hearts and minds while here on earth.


Righteous living is what sets the church apart so that we can be a light. Not just an all-loving, do whatever you want, typical worldly acceptance but a “we love you as an individual and God loves you even more, you always have hope through Jesus, but God gave us standards to live by and God’s ways ARE better than the world’s ways. Would you rather live like this or the chaos that culture taught you?”


We have the helmet of salvation, praise God, but if we want to be warrior’s for Christ, we need to be set apart and not change standards based on how many people uphold the ideal.


It’s this kind of thinking from which I am glad I am red pilled and continue to be so. My prayer is that my work will continue to expose more deceptions in the Church and in my own life.


Comment with your red pill story or with questions you have for me!