Yet again I find myself just checking to see if there are positions available in my old career. Maybe my husband should stay home and I should make the money after all. I’m just not great at being a stay at home mom and homemaker. Ugh, nothing in my area...I’ll just do a quick search for a part-time job. Darn, they require a quiet environment. It’d be so nice to make consistent money from home. Why did I allow my momentum to stop in the coaching business I started? I need that money to pay others to do the cooking and cleaning that I always feel less than at and overwhelmed by!
Why can’t I fully accept and commit to my role as a SAHM and homemaker? Why do I keep feeling this need to make money on the side?
The desire to be a full time mom devoured me before the birth of my first daughter. I felt trapped by my job and my husband and my plan for me to continue work while he stayed home. When I was told I’d be one of the 1/3rd of the company being laid off a month before her due date, a smile erupted despite the somber situation.
My husband affirms this is the right decision. He’s stepped up as a provider and we are even saving money now. For goodness sake, I’m pregnant with our third daughter. This certainly would not be the time to commit to a job, part-time or not. Forget jobs though. What so much of me really wants is to return to online business. I struggle to accept that my mothering influence on our children is enough of a contribution. Making money is such a black and white, quantitative result of work. Mom wins are easy to overlook and take too long to reach.
But when I brought up the idea of giving business a go again, my husband expressed hesitancy instead of devoted encouragement. Perhaps some of you can relate. You might be more spiritually mature than me, but for me this turned into a sour, bitter and resentful attitude towards him.
As much as I want to whine and moan about how he doesn’t believe in me and my role as a SAHM and homemaker is so oppressive, I know in my heart that is not a Christlike reaction. God wants me to respect and value my husband’s leadership.
My husband knows that for several months I (reasonably) put my housewife duties on hold during my morning sickness. Now that my energy is returning, his desire is for me to serve him and the family by keeping better order in the house. He wants our kids to grow up with organization and cleanliness, not chaos and crumbs on the floor. The truth is, I want that too. I just don’t like housekeeping. I’ve wrapped my mind around mothering, but even to this day, I resist the Martha Stewart stuff.
Fortunately, God softened my heart. He showed me how I encourage my husband to work as if he is working for the Lord at his job, but how I seem to think my job as a homemaker is excluded from this principle. God pointed out that while it’s good to try to use your strengths and interests for Him, everyone, including me, not just my husband, needs to be willing to do the things they aren’t so excited about.
Once I finally accepted God’s Word, everything has been better. As you can imagine, when I was mad at him for his lack of encouragement towards my online efforts, we had a big barrier between us. But when I followed God’s way, that barrier was removed. Forgiving my husband also removed a barrier between God and me. “Forgive us our trespasses, as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us.” (Excerpt from the Lord’s Prayer Matthew 6: 9-13)
I (somewhat reluctantly) applied what I’ve learned about mindset in business to the home. While I still have progress to make, I now see that I was accepting lies and limiting beliefs around what is possible for a pregnant homemaker with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Toys no longer hang out in the living room for days. I spend the extra 2 minutes to sweep around the high chair after each feeding. With the kitchen and living room in a consistent reasonable state, I find myself inclined to take on projects, like cleaning out the fridge, that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, but I never prioritized over the dishes piling up in the sink.
My main objection was always, “I won’t have time to play with the girls, because I’ll always be cleaning!” That hyperbolic lie was not true. I spend just as much time playing with my girls as when I allowed moderate chaos to remain in our living space.
Don’t get me wrong, my house is still not super impressive. But I’m making progress and now I’m meeting my husband’s expectations (that actually weren’t that high to begin with despite my accusations). I feel good about the amount of chores I’ve done today and low and behold, I’ve even found time to blog!
I still hope and pray that someday my husband will understand this urge that I have inside me to share encouraging and edifying messages to the world online. I want him to see potential in me that I don’t. I want him to love what I’m doing and truly believe it is important. These are things I can prayer about. (Conviction check: writing this made me realize I haven’t been bringing these requests to God!)
I now see that it was just satan’s lie that ignoring and ostracizing my husband’s wishes for a more orderly house was somehow going to influence him onboard the blogging train. That lie sounds ridiculous when I wrote it out, but the enemy is cunning. He strives to convolute and distract you with emotions so you don’t identify the lie from which the negative emotions spring.
Whatever your exact situation, whether you are a SAHM who resents housework, an overwhelmed mom who would rather build a business than deal with the kids all day, or something else, my encouragement to you is to pray. Pray that God would help you identify any lies about motherhood, housework, making money, submitting to your spouse, or anything else. Pray that God would soften your heart and help you discern whatever message is applicable to you. Pray that God would give you the courage to make any decisions necessary to be aligned with HIS will for your life and that He would transform your heart to desire His will, instead of trying to manipulate His will to your own desires. Pray for patience and perspective to deal with whatever is going on in your current season of life.
For me, even though a big part of me wants to set big goals and dream big and take consistent massive action to build a business, I know that those are not God’s goals for me in this season. I know that I am to seek Him, serve my spouse (which includes homemaking!), serve my children, and then after those things are taking place, and also after taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, relationally etc., then it is prudent to spend time creating content. The reality and truth is that when content creation is about 8th on my priority list, I cannot reasonably commit to even a slow and steady approach. I still believe I am called to create and that is why I will continue to share posts as I find time.
I feel like I’ve been on the sidelines for a long time, but the reality is, I haven’t in the perspective of my whole life. I’ll have decades after the kids are grown up.
I loved how building a business helped me grow as a person, but God has shown me that personal growth is not just applicable to entrepreneurship. I can (and should) set goals and grow as a SAHM and homemaker as well.
I am in a season of raising young ones and when other priorities don’t consume the time, I will continue to share more and more with you about how God transforms my mind and life regarding motherhood!
Leave a comment with questions or with wisdom the Lord has given you about what to do when your spouse doesn’t support your side hustle or with feeling torn between the potential different roles you can take on!
For deeper reading on embracing the challenge, growth, achievement (and importance!) of being a sahm and homemaker, I recommend the book I’m currently reading, “Professionalizing Motherhood” by Jill Savage. She is a Christian author who articulates how vital it is to honor your husband before kids and other passions and how to embrace the season of child raising. (Disclosure: That is an affiliate link.)